The Teacher's Playbook: Germ Edition

If you've ever seen the show "How I Met Your Mother" then you know that Barney has a lengen-wait for it-dary playbook that he's developed over his years of experience as a complete dog. Inside are all of his tricks and schemes and ploys to "get the girl."

I'm learning, in my third year of teaching, that teachers too have a playbook. In fact, I'd venture to say that teachers have a LOT of different playbooks with their tricks for making it through the school day in one piece and making some learning happen along the way.

So today, when one of my students asked me what my classroom procedures were for students who needed to vomit during class, it prompted me to consult with my own Teacher's Playbook: Germ Edition.

Plays to Keep Me from Getting my Students' Germs

• The "Make them mix potting soil in the greenhouse so that their hands are dirty and they HAVE to wash them with antibacterial soap."
• The "I love you but I need you to stay on the opposite side of the room."
• The "Nonchalantly placing tissues on the desk of a sniffly student without interrupting the lesson."
• The "Nonchalantly placing the trash can beside the desk of a sniffly student so they can throw away their own tissues without interrupting the lesson."
• The "Nonchalantly picking up the tissue box while placing the bottle of hand sanitizer on the desk of said sniffly student without interrupting the lesson."
• The "Carry the trashcan everywhere you go (even outside) so that no one has to see or clean up vomit."
• The "I'll give you five bucks if you make it in trash can. Ten if you make the toilet."
• The "Eww, you've been teaching those germy kids for three hours, don't you DARE eat that apple without washing your hands!"
• The "Here, take this note as a hall pass to see the nurse because there's no WAY I'm letting your germy hands carry the class hall pass!"
• The "Last five minutes of the day on Friday sanitation drill."
• The "Go home kid, you're drunk! sick! drunk? sick. Actually I can't tell. Just go home."

So today I ended up using the "Carry the trashcan everywhere" and the "stay on the opposite side of the room" plays. He didn't actually throw up but he did look awfully green. I suppose time will tell if the plays were successful. Until then, bros don't let bros get sick. So share your plays to add to the Teacher's Playbook: Germ Edition.