No worries.

Those of you who know me know that it's not uncommon for me to... try to... be able to... direct the course... of... life. 

Okay, you can stop laughing now. I'm a control freak.

I like to be in control of most aspects of my life. I like to organize, to plan, to know exactly what's going to happen. And when I can't be in control I worry. And to deal with the worry, I compensate for my lack of control by trying to force things to happen. While I consider my patience with others a virtue, patience with things beyond my realm control and influence are a little harder for me to deal with. So, I've resorted to using the force, the dark side and the light side, to try to at least give me the false sense of control and security. 

Example: when Mark and I were watching the entire series of "LOST" on Netflix and I couldn't BEAR the heartbreak of my favorite characters dying, I Wikipedia-ed it so I could prepare myself in advance. I also did that with "Battlestar Galactica." And "Olympus Has Fallen." And season 8 of  "How I Met Your Mother."

Another example: When my nephew was having major surgery, I randomly decided to clean the refrigerator. 

It wasn't even my refrigerator. 

Come to think of it, anytime I'm upset or worried about anything, I tend to clean. As though scrubbing like crazy will wash away the problem.

But that's just it, isn't it? The problem? The real problem is not the situation that has sent me into a downward spiral of yellow rubber gloves, swiffer mops, and overdosing on Wikipedia plot summaries. The real problem is my lack of faith.

Ouch.

Just as I was coming to this realization last night, at a friend's encouragement, I read Matthew 6:25-34. Each verse brought a bit more clarity... and shame.

Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? 

You belittle yourself and forget your own value. You are worth so much in God's eyes. Of course He'll take care of you. You are precious.

And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? 

Worrying just eats away at the joy each day brings and it still doesn't change anything. It causes you to waste precious time.

...You of little faith! 

Ouch.

For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

God knows exactly what you need and has a plan to give it to you. In His time. But you must seek Him. Have faith in His timing. Trust his love for you and love Him. 

So, there it is folks. Just trust God and life will be peachy. Thanks for reading!

Love, Liz.

Wait, what? No, it's not that easy. Not even close. Because you all well know, and I have thoroughly established that I am a control hound. And in order to not worry myself to death over things beyond my control, I need to do something. I can say "I trust God" all day long and still not experience peace. And when I don't feel peace then suddenly I'm resorting to my own devices again just to try to feel better, to feel I have some inkling of control.  (See also: I cleaned someone else's fridge.)

So what can I do? Pragmatically speaking, what does "seeking God" look like? 

To answer this question, I did what all millennials do: I googled it. Here's what popped up.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phillipians 4:6-7)

I have to say, I was somewhat disheartened by this. I've read these verses time and time again and have been praying frequently about my concerns and, while it afforded me peace for a little while, the worry still crept back in. Slowly but surely, the worry clouded my focus and I was suddenly disinfecting the trash can and cleaning the dryer vent. 

But when I read it again, I realized that I have been missing some key instructions. 

"Supplication" means to pray to God with earnest and humility, remembering He has already given so much more than any of us deserve. So step one, humble myself before God. I have no right to ask Him for anything, yet His word encourages me to make my requests known.

And then the real epiphany: with thanksgiving. This is the part I had been leaving out. I went to God complaining about all that was wrong and that worried me. But when I did, it never occurred to me to truly humble myself and pray to him with Thanksgiving.

So, I tried it. I started thanking Him for the things that were right: my family, my job, a warm home, my health, my safety, His love. And as the list went on I suddenly felt shame again; shame that in spite of all the blessings in my life I still felt that I needed or deserved more. Realizing that God had provided as the book of Matthew promised he would I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders, a burden set free from my heart. I began feeling God's promised peace and as I did I was thirsty for more wisdom, more instructions.

So I googled again. 

But let all who take refuge in You be glad, Let them ever sing for joy... (Psalm 5:11)

 That's it. The stopper in the bottle that keeps the worry out and the peace in: worship. It's not enough to realize we are blessed. It's not enough to give thanks for our blessings. To truly experience God's peace we have to take every opportunity to praise him for his goodness. In my world, that means singing, music, reading, writing, and sharing love and joy with those around me. 

The thing I'm still trying to come to terms with is my humanity. The fact that, as a human, I am programmed to worry. It's normal, and given God's provision in the scripture (and google) He knows that about me and the rest of humanity. It's not a test, it's human nature.

The test lies in how we handle the worry. We can let it eat us alive, ruining the few precious days we have here. We can let it steal away our joy. We can let it cause us to have the cleanest house ever (well, actually... no nevermind.)

Or, we can humble ourselves and talk to God about it. We can thank God for what we have and don't deserve. We can ever sing for joy that there is a God who knows us and loves us anyway, who listens to us even when what we have to say might not be that important in the grand scheme of things, and who provides and protects us because we are His.

Today, I feel great. Life is not perfect; there are still some big decisions coming up, some improvements to be made, and struggles we'll face. And I will worry, because I'm human and I'm me and that's what I do. But at least now I have a plan, a strategy for dealing with those feelings of doubt and worry. 

I'm a firm believer that in order to kick bad habits, you have to replace the negative behavior with a positive one. As I was googling, I ran across an article that put it this way: Worry replaced by Prayer equals Trust. Now, I've never been once for math and equations but I'd like to complicate this one just a bit:

Worry+Prayer+Humility+Thanksgiving+Worship=Faith in Action

I don't know if it'll work every time, but I do know that it's a good start to living a life with no worries.